I remember being beaten with a hammer by the woman I married thinking to myself that life’s just not worth it.
In the cold light of separation proeedings I thought of course that this kind of thing would mean some sympathy for my case.
Nobody cares. In Ireland, there is a no-fault system. This means that behavior isn’t taken into account. So being assaulted is just fine, and won’t impact the result. Unless one suspects, it is the man that’s wielding the hammer. Then the rules stay the same but the implementation is different.
The real issue though is one of carrots. You will be sitting in a courtroom with a judge, stenographer, court clerk, solicitors, senior and junior counsels and yourselves.
The only person in that entire list who will not be earning anything for being there, but will be paying for nearly everyone involved, is you. You are the only person in the entire room with any incentive to get the process finsihsed.
The judge is a civil servant but without any reporting responsibilties and zero oversight.
The other participants are civil servants and couldn’t care less.
The legal team (yours and hers) will be paid for by you. The longer things go on, the more they make.
Your ex-wife is in a position where she has nothing to lose by prolonging the process, and everything to gain.
Assuming you’re trying to move on with your life and improve your lot, you will probably start earning more, making more money over the course of the process. Unless of course you commit suicide, which many men end up doing – please don’t do this, go and talk to someone, this will end eventually.
The problem is this – let’s say you moved out of the house and haven’t had any relationship with the woman you married since 2017. It is now 2020.
Well, anything you earn or money you generate in the interim is going to be fair game. That’s right. Instead of the assets being taken as fixed at the point where you separated, or where you filed for divorce (allowing of course for any funds not received but generated prior to filing), it is your total assets and earnings AT THE TIME THE DIVORCE IS GRANTED.
Yes, pick yourself up, that’s right.
So the longer the process goes on, the more likely she is to get more funds.
So she is positively incentivised to prolong this as much as possible. So are the legal teams. The court doesn’t give a stuff and isnt answerable to anyone about performance, length of time for cases etc.
Remember, legal fees are almost never awarded in family law cases, but seeing as you’re probably the only one with any money, you end up paying both.
So she knows she won’t have costs awarded against her no matter how spurious or outrageous the claims she makes. And the court will accept them as there is no oversight or monitoring of their peformance.
It’s like placing an each way bet on the favourite. It will cost her a little bit, but she’ll almost certainly get a return.
Cheer up Bugs, have a carrot. Make sure you get a receipt though.