Male? Getting divorced in Ireland? There’s something you should know.

Ireland is a wonderful place to live, to do business, and offers a great quality of life – given a certain level of income.

But when it comes to long term planning, and dealing with complex projects requiring a history of civil administration in order to execute, there are serious problems. Ireland is a very new country, with very little experience of civil administration. In fact historically almost all civil administration was carried out by our friends across the water.

So while the capital of the Roman Empire had running water and sewage systems over two thousand years ago, Ireland still dumps raw sewage in the sea and has relied largely on a water distribution system built by the British over a hundred years ago.

What’s that got to do with divorce? Well divorce requires a fundamental understanding of civil society and years of education and experience of legislation. An acceptance that marrriages break down and people need to get on with their lives.

Unfortunately divorce is a new phenomenon in Ireland, having been succesfully kept at bay, for many years, by the church and its child molesting army.

Possibly only Malta can hold its head up high in comparison.

In a country which historically abdicated its responsibilities to care for its most vulnerable citizens, and legitimised and institutionalised their abuse, it should come as no surprise that Family Law in general and children in particular aren’t a very high priority.

So if you’re a man, looking to get divorced in Ireland, the best advice would be be the amusing Irish response to a request for directions – ‘well I wouldn’t start from here’.

If you’re unfortunate enough to have been married in Ireland, or unlucky enough to have to pursue a family law case in Ireland, then there is very little good news.

There are four basic things you need to remember:

  1. The legal profession’s primary objective is to protect the system itself because this is the hand that feeds.
  2. The only leverage the court has is money – so the breadwinner, usually the man, is the primary target.
  3. The solicitors and barristers look out for themselves to get paid – your solicitor will negotiate with the other solicitor and ensure there’s enough money for each to get paid, before anyone else gets anything.
  4. Nobody gives a stuff about your children, not least the court (see point 2).

If you can remember these four rules, you will avoid a lot of useless frustrated screaming and shouting. It doesn’t make it any more palatable but at least you know why your wife refusing to provide access to your children is met with a shrug and an acknowledgement that women behave badly and that’s their prerogative, whereas any attempt by you to plan your financial future will be seen as a plot to frustrate your spouse’s rights and you’ll be threatened with jail.

So if you can bear it, here is some reading so at least you can make some sense of the torture you’re going through or about to go through.

Even better it might enable you to get to a jurisdiction which has an effective family law system. Hardly any system is perfect but at least most countires have one. Ireland unfortunately is not one of them.

If you can’t get yourself to a competent jurisdiction, then you’re stuck. But if you don’t fancy being shafted by your lawyer as well as your ex, at least read and be prepared for the system.

The system (and we use the term ‘system’ in the loosest possible sense of the word), is pretty straightforward. It works like this:

You’re a man.

You’re guilty.

How much money do you have?

Ok let’s divide that up:

25% for the legal teams ( your lawyer and her lawyer divide this up at the start).

45% for her.

30% FOR YOU. If you’re lucky.

Get the picture?

Still believe in the system?

How about this one – ask the Law Society how much they recommend a family lawyer to charge their clients. They’ll claim that the process is too complicated to provide a charging schedule.

But they do. How much is it?

€250 per hour.

Yes. That’s right. More than many people earn in a week.

But how much is it on an annual basis?

Well, assuming 37.5 hours per week (to allow time for the champagne lunches) and a tiny 8 weeks’ holidays (did we mention the court closes for the summer?) that’s 44 weeks of 37.5 hours per week. That’s 44 * 37.5 = 1650 hours.

That’s €412,500 per year.

That’s right.

Did I mention that excludes VAT?

VAT is a real cost to you, and most if not all family law solicitors quote their rates excluding VAT. Which is illegal, but they’re the legal profession and they are obviously beyond the law.

So with VAT @ 23% that makes an annual salary of €507,375.

More than the CEO of most large Irish companies.

Have you picked yourself up off the floor?

An average lawyer in an average divorce case is going to charge you more than twice what the Taoiseach earns.

And if you’re a man, there’s only one outcome anyway.